Spiritual Secrets

Over the last couple of weeks I had some extended time to devote to reading and studying:

• In the waiting room while receiving the MOHS procedure for skin cancer on my face (they remove, test, remove more, etc. – takes awhile).
• A six day camping trip to New Mexico with Rick.

My friend/co-laborer/pastor, Greg Stier, was kind enough to give me a bundle of reading materials to enjoy. The stack included a devotional from Spurgeon, a tiny little book by Bruce Wilkinson, and an old paperback written by Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor about their dad, Hudson Taylor.

I started with the tiny book, Secrets of the Vine, by Wilkinson. I quickly learned that the author has some amazing insights regarding my perspective on abiding in Christ. But I was destracted by his writing style to the point of almost giving up on the little thing 2/3 of the way through. So I stopped reading and picked up the paperback about Hudson Taylor.

Before now, I really didn’t know anything about this great man. Greg recommended reading just Chapter 14, but once I started in it gripped me so much I had to go back and read more in the earlier pages. What an amazing and sacrificial life this man (and his family) led!  Yet, he struggled with faith and an abundant life. He tried and toiled to “abide”, but yet couldn’t find the secret. His fundamental believe was that “holiness, practical holiness, was to be gradually attained by a diligent use of the means of grace.” Finally, he began to wonder if “perhaps to make heaven sweeter-God would not give it down here.” He continues to explain that he felt assured that there was in Christ all he needed, but he couldn’t practically figure out how to get it out. As I read, I really resonated with his struggle – something I have never been able to fully understand.

But God gradually revealed it to him. He realized that to strengthen faith one need not strive after faith, but rest on the Faithful One. The sentence jumped off the old, yellowed page maybe as boldly as it did to him as he revealed it. He continues to explain that Christ promises to abide in us, meaning He will never leave us. For all our struggles, He will abide. He will never fail.

As he spoke about the vine and the branches he realized that it was foolish to try to get the fullness out of Christ. We are one with Christ. He cannot be rich and us poor, no more than “your head could well fed while your body starves.”

This statement says it all;

Do not let us consider Him as far off, when God has made us one with Him, members of His very body.

What wonderful truth revealed in this old book through an exact duplication of a personal letter to Hudson Taylor’s sister about his remarkable discovery.

So I picked up Wilkinson’s little book again to give it another shot. I am overlooking my feelings about his writing style and picking up on some great advice regarding the difference between discipline and “pruning.” I am looking forward to thinking and praying and continuing to grow as I learn more and more about Spiritual Secrets.

 

A Special Picnic In The Park

Yesterday my family came together to say goodbye to our beloved Granny. But instead of a traditional memorial service, Granny specifically requested a picnic in the park. She took the time to write down the details of this day before she left us. A casual gathering, a couple of songs, the release of helium-filled red balloons. I’m not sure why she wanted to be remembered this way, I never talked to her about it. But my guess would be that she didn’t want a big fuss, she just wanted everyone together and for everyone to get along with each other.

Granny treasured times with family. I remember her being the happiest when she was with the whole crew. Even in her later years, she seemed to enjoy watching the little ones running around playing just as much as being involved in the adult conversation. When I was younger her Christmas Eve party was something I looked forward to all year. She would rent a big clubhouse so there would be room for all the cousins. Santa would personally deliver our gifts and there was an endless supply of food.

I still can’t believe she’s gone. For some reason, I really expected her to outlive me. Up until the past couple of years, she was extremely active and healthy. She never was what anyone would consider a typical American grandma. She wasn’t a gray-haired, apron-clad woman who baked cookies. No, she was a beautiful professional woman – undeniably classy and unashamedly independent. And whether she was going to a 4 year old’s birthday party or out for a night on the town – she always looked good. As a young girl I remember bragging to my friends, I wanted to be just like her.

Before I became a teenager she would take me on special excursions. We’d shop for hours and hours and then she would treat me to a meal at a fancy restaurant. I would stay the night in her high rise apartment. She would talk to me about the way a lady should act. She would tell me I was beautiful and full of potential. I always felt grown up and sophisticated. These were some of my fondest memories.

So here we were, all of us a part of a family that she in fact began. Memories filled the air as we compared stories and shared fried chicken. Tucked away back in a little neighborhood park. She would have loved the atmosphere. Kids laughed and played in the playground, the teenagers enjoyed volleyball and the men competed at horseshoes.

Then the mood changed slightly as we each took a red balloon and stood in a circle out in the grass. An Irish bagpipe rendition of Amazing Grace played loudly in the background and then the balloons were simultaneously released into the air. I couldn’t hold back the tears. It was a bittersweet goodbye.

I will see you again soon my sweet Granny. Someday soon.

Just over two weeks ago Granny suffered a severe stroke and heart attack which led to a decision for her to be placed in hospice. I will never forget that day. We all knew that the decision for hospice was what she wanted, she made that very clear. But it certainly didn’t make it any easier on any of us.

It was a blessing to be able to spend some time alone with her before she was moved from her hospital room to the hospice unit. I decided to ask her if she knew what would happen when she died. It wasn’t like this was new territory for a conversation between Granny and me. We had talked about her diverse “religious” upbringing many times. She would laugh about how many times she had been “saved”, walked an aisle, or been baptized as she and her mom traveled from home to home when she was young. But here, in this hospital room, I was asking point blank. “Do you believe that Jesus died for your sins Granny?” She shook her head yes. “Do you know for sure that you will go to heaven when you die?” She nodded again. “Do you want to hear about what heaven is going to be like?” She shook her head no and put up her hand. Apparently, she didn’t want to hear anymore about it. So I prayed. I prayed out loud and boldly. And she held my hand tightly.

Over the next six days family members would be in and out of her room. She could hear us but her responses grew weaker and weaker as the days passed. We would pray and cry. We would read to her and play music for her. I read the entire book of John to her when we were alone together. And with many others in the room, I read about heaven.

I was asked many times if I thought she would be in heaven. As sincerely as I could, I would answer that there was no way to know for sure. But I have faith that I will see her again. I have faith that Granny understood who Jesus was and why He came and accepted it as her only way to eternal life. My prayer is that every person in my family will also make this decision. I know Granny would want us all together again.

 

10 Years Ago Tomorrow

Ten years. A decade. It seems like a long time in a lot of ways. But really, it’s not. Time goes by so fast, especially when I stop and think about it. Over the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about it more than usual.

Tomorrow marks an unusual “anniversary.” Ten years ago tomorrow at 11:21 two young boys decided to act on a premeditated plan of violence and hatred. And it changed my life.

It was a nice Spring Colorado day. Business as usual. I was at the office with a handful of other D2S staffers when someone heard the news. Greg was out of the office meeting with some youth pastors at the time and so those of us back in the office scrambled to make sure he had heard and they were praying. The phones began to ring as friends began to process what was going on just a few miles away. All we knew to do was to pray and get others to pray.

Those of us with kids in school (my son was a freshman in high school at the time) wrestled with feelings of fear and panic. Should we go get our kids? As parents we wanted to control the situation by gathering our families and going home to lock out the world. I remember wondering about the “why” behind these boy’s behavior. What could have driven two middle class suburban teenagers to such a desperate place? How could this have happened?

Hours later I was in the parking lot to pick up my son. “Did you hear?” I asked. “Of course, mom,” he answered. “Are you okay? Are you scared?” I was terrified but didn’t want him to see it. “Yeah, a little bit.” He was at an age where conversations were more short than sweet.

It’s amazing to me how quickly I can recall the emotions of that day even after ten years have passed. Once I knew my son was safe I began to think about the hundreds of teenagers that D2S had been able to reach up til then. We needed to reach more! These kids need hope. They need purpose.

My prayer was (and still is) that God will use this small army of D2S teenagers to reach their own generation! I have no idea what else it’s going to take to make this happen, but He does. I just keep asking Him for wisdom. Help me. Help us. Lord, please don’t let this happen again.

Please pray with me this week that the memory of this horrible massacre will burden the hearts of teenagers to reach out to every teen around them (inside or outside of their “circle”) with the good news of Jesus Christ. Pray also for love, encouragement, and support for them from the adults who surround them.

 

Prayer Update

Thank you so much for praying with me this last week! I wanted to be sure to post a quick update:

• Jane is home from the hospital and preparing for the chemo and radiation she will start soon. This is a new cancer in Stage III so please pray for complete healing. Her faith and strength through this ordeal continue to inspire me! Pray that God continues to provide in this way too.
• Emily and Tina are both recovering well. It was a long road, but it looks like both will be okay soon.
• TJ went to the doctor and was able to receive treatment and meds for under $100! He is feeling a lot better.
• I went to the doctor with mom and it was a productive visit. She spent about an hour with us and we are on our way to figuring out what the source of the problem is. Mom has lots of physical challenges, so continue to pray if you think about it.
• D2S continues to struggle just as many other non-profits are right now. Pray the requests that are pending, that the Lord provides a way for those with the heart to join the cause also have the resources to give as the Lord leads.
• Creativity and strategic thinking was not a problem last week! The team made some great progress – thank you for your prayers!

 

A Season of Uncertainty

Whew! What a week! On Tuesday, our friends to the south at Focus on the Family announced a reduction in force by close to 200. They are completely cutting their teen and youth programs. Many hard-working, Christ-serving, wonderful folks are facing unemployment during a national economic crisis.

That same day, I headed to Tennesse. The majority of the trip was focused on attending the Youth Specialties National Youth Workers Convention in Nashville. As we met with various ministry leaders, they too were feeling the pressures of these uncertain times. Attendance at events is shrinking, donations are drying up. But in the midst of it all, what I saw and heard over and over was ministry leadership fervently pursuing wisdom.

I truly believe that God is working amongst His people to focus them on His will. It seems that many have become distracted – maybe even by good things and with pure motives – but distracted from what God has called them to do.

Dare 2 Share is going through this process too. Only we started about 9 months ago in response to a board directive. The board’s timing was not coincidence. If this process would have started any later, we may well have been hit just as hard if not harder than many of our friends. Thank You Father, for convicting the hearts of the Godly men you have called to our board.

Proverbs 17:24 says,

Sensible people keep their eyes glued on wisdom. But a fools eyes wander to the ends of the earth.

Please pray with me for our leadership as we continue to work through this process. We need God’s wisdom now more than ever.

 

Couldn’t Have Said It Better…

Check out this post by my good friend and pastor, Rob Kelly.

Thanks Rob, for the reminder of Who we are in Christ!

 

You’re Killin’ Me!

Dear Father -

You have provided mountain tops and valleys throughout my journey. And no matter what or where, more often than not I seem to forget that You are at the center of everything in my life. It’s not that I don’t love You. It’s not that I don’t know You are there. It’s just that in the midst of everything my heart and mind drift away… and focus inward. And it’s easy. I can even look like I’m centered on You on the outside, but on the inside I’m seriously self-centered.

But You know my heart, don’t You? And little by little You’re getting to me. You knew when You called me to a church where communion was offered EVERY Sunday that I wouldn’t be able to resist You, didn’t You? You knew that a message series on pride would hit me right between the eyes, didn’t You?

You know I want to run. You know I don’t want to do it anymore. You know I’m tired. You know, don’t You? You know my next step before it happens, and You know exactly where I’m at.

Yeah, You’re killing ME. And I think that’s exactly what You’ve planned all along. I do want to serve You. I think… Can I serve you and still bring ME along? No? Well, I’m not sure how that works then, but I guess I’m gonna learn cuz at the rate You’re going there won’t be much of ME left soon! And that’t a GREAT thing!

Letting go little by little, Your daughter

 

Bittersweet Transitions

Fall has always been my favorite season. When I was a little girl I couldn’t wait for new school clothes, new friends, and a new teacher. As I got older, it seemed as if it was always the season for new beginnings. And since 1994, being involved with Dare 2 Share, it has also meant the opening of a new student conference tour season – the fruition of months and months of hard work and planning.

Almost always these “new beginnings” are positive. But this season has brought some transitions that hold a bittersweet place in my heart:

• Ministry friends move on – More than one close friend I’ve done ministry beside for years has been called to a new mission. But Carol Ann’s departure this month has hit me the hardest. I have been serving beside this wonderful woman for over 6 years and I can’t imagine doing ministry without her. I know God is going to use her in amazing ways to directly serve those in need in her new role. So how can I argue with that?
• Rick reaches 50 – My incredible husband has spent half his life with me! That in itself is remarkable. I am SO thankful that his MS is stable and he remains in pretty good health – but my heart is broken because he continues to struggle with his job. He is the most loyal person I know and has weathered a lot of company ups and downs but is daily reaching the edge of his tolerance. Pray for God’s wisdom for him, it isn’t easy for a 50-year-old to embark on a new career.
• TJ is getting ready to graduate – Tim has worked so hard! And although he has changed schools and majors, his degree fits him well. A bachelor’s in broadcast production with minors in interactive and digital media. Well done, son! He is a gifted writer and editor with an eye for understanding the audience. I am excited for him and nervous for him all at the same time.
• New mission at Dare 2 Share – We are finalizing a new mission statement and with it will come more focus. I can’t tell you how excited that makes me! We have gone back to our “roots” so to speak and I truly believe the change is God-ordained. Now comes the hard part of shedding away those things that don’t fit – and while I recognize that this is necessary for us in many ways, it is still a fairly painful process.
• New church home – We decided to begin worshipping at Northern Hills Church. We love the format, the people, really just about everything! Except the drive, that is. It’s 30-40 minutes on a great day, but it’s worth it. We have met some new friends and it’s been exciting but I feel the “tug” in my spirit as my connections with old friends has trickled away to virtually non existent. I miss them terribly and wish I could be in two places at once.

Transitions are always exciting because they bring the new and unknown, the fresh air of change. Bitter and sweet.

 

New Strength

Yesterday I took some time to catch up and ended up watching a talk my friend, Doug Fields, gave at last year’s National Youth Ministry Convention. I was at the convention but didn’t have the opportunity to hear him. I was surprised by his vulnerability as he talked about how deficiant he felt when it came to caring conversations. He spent some time laying out what he called “faith blockers” and I quickly began to resonate with what he was saying. It’s a great talk for anyone in ministry, so if you have time check it out.

As Doug was summing up he brought the audience’s attention to Isaiah 40. Oh yeah, I thought to myself, I’m familiar with that passage. It’s the one that talks about the Lord’s sovereignty – “our everlasting God.” And as I moved into the next thing for the day I found myself humming the popular Christian worship song as well.

But for some reason the passage was on my heart again this morning. Could it be that these past few weeks of feeling worn out and weary were getting to me? As I opened my Bible I acknowledged my emotional state of being of late. Then I dove right in.

I prayed and meditated on the whole passge for some time. I read it out loud to Rick. And as I looked down at the words on the page again, something jumped out. In verse 31 it says, “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.” New strength. Wow! NEW strength! Then I remembered that our God isn’t constrained by time like we are. He has the ability (and the desire) to constantly renew.

I am so encouraged that no matter where or when or for how long I am tired and weak, I just need to trust in Him and He will provide NEW STRENGTH. So my prayer is that when I am tossing and turning during those sleepless nights or wrestling to solve a problem or make an important decision during the day – that I may rest on this truth and be renewed.

 

Remain in Me

For years I’ve struggled understanding the verb “abide” in the Christian vernacular. I’m not sure why. The word makes sense to me in other contexts. For instance, I am a “law-abiding” citizen! So this morning I happened to be spending some time in John. John 15 to be exact.

I know the Lord has got a lot more “pruning” to do as I continue to strive to remain in Him. But my desire is to be a Christ-follower that is not only faithful, but also fruitful. He has promised that if we remain in Him our joy will overflow! I know that I must consistently spend time with Him in order for this to happen. For me, it’s too easy to fall into a busy routine and focus on other things. That’s when I catch myself too… reacting to a crisis in the flesh, forgetting to put people before projects, forsaking balance in my life, feeling depleted and empty at the end of the day.

What an encouragement it is that Jesus considers us a FRIEND! I know I can go to Him any time, anywhere in oder to get centered and remain in Him.